Self-Reflection: What I Learned in 2020

It has been one year since I’ve had to work from home due to Covid-19. Last March, on the 17th, our office went into remote work mode, and I (like many others) started my day with an unusual routine. I would get up and get ready to work from my living room, spend all day in the house, and only go out for early morning walks alone or to the grocery store. After about two months, we started going to other family members’ homes (we all live very close) and we would mostly hang out in the yard while wearing masks and trying to maintain social distance from each other. What a way to live!

2020 was such a unique year. It definitely helped me to see how people react to uncomfortable but mandatory changes. I may not have gotten sick and I don’t know anyone who has passed on because of Covid-19, but the year was still hard for me. Being stuck in the house really makes you think about anything and everything. Constantly feeling as if I’m not safe from anything or that I don’t have a safe space is such an eye opener but so sad. On the other hand, feeling and recognizing these things has pushed me to take some important steps in building the life I want for myself. I learned two important things in 2020. 

First, I need to start living my life. For the longest time I was just existing. I’m a passive person when it comes to taking or not taking action. I sort of just think that if it happens then it will happen, but if it doesn’t then it’s not meant to be or it’s not deserved. With the exception of school, because I did complete a Masters program, I never really fought for or went after the things I wanted. Don’t misunderstand though – I am a very hardworking person, but in a way I am not an active participant in my life. I don’t think anyone will describe me as a “go-getter”, unfortunately. However, I have been taking steps to do the things I love and to make myself happy. One of the first things I’ve done is start this blog. I will say it repeatedly and as often as I want to – I needed something of my own that I could be proud of and thus Life with DW was born.

Second, I haven’t found my niche in life with family, friends, or work. When I was younger I just thought it was because I already knew myself and I didn’t need to fit in with everyone around me and so a little uncomfortability was expected. I was fine with that, and I still don’t feel like I need to fit in. I think that people can definitely tell that I don’t ever change myself just to fit in or to be liked and accepted. That has never been me! However, I realize that the uncomfortability has lingered and even grown the more I get to learning who I am and what will make me happy. Has anyone else felt like this? If so, tell me about it in the comments below. I’ve just never felt my life was meant for me, but going back to what I wrote earlier – I am a passive person. 

So, what can I do? First, I can start with little changes that help me to take hold of my life. Second, I can dream it, think it, believe it, plan it, and do it without giving up. Finally, I think the most important thing I can do is to constantly recognize and remind myself that while the work might be hard the reward will be worth it as long as I believe in myself and I believe that I do deserve whatever my future entails. It’s time to be an active participant in my life, and then just maybe I will find my place. 

Damn your mind games, 2020! What’s life without a little reflection though?

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